Are you anonymous?
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
(By the way, the final installment of The Contract is below!)
Are you anonymous? Your spanking desires, I mean? Your online spanking handle?
I don’t tell anyone (except a few, accidentally, because I’m terrible at keeping a secret). There’s the day job that one must look out for, but then there’s also a privacy factor. In my stories, I share my kink.
People ask me what name I write under, and I feel like saying, "Sure, I’ll share it with you if you’ll share with me the intimate details of your sex life."
And then there’s the fact that our lifestyle is so easily misconstrued by people who don’t understand it. I just don’t feel like explaining or defending myself.
Even beyond that, I don’t want people to think I don’t support all the strides women have made in equality. I choose this lifestyle, we all choose this lifestyle. That makes all the difference. I would fight tooth and nail for that choice, because it should be a choice, our choice.
You all, in the lifestyle, know that when I say "sharing my kink" it’s no small thing. Sure, I can laugh about it, pretend it’s just a fun sex game, but it’s not. It’s more like making love with your heart, opening up the most vulnerable spot inside you.
I love that vulnerable spot. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?
So strangers, acquaintances, they ask me what I write, what name I write under, and I just can’t share. My readers understand and I want to share my heart with them, because you guys understand.
But people not in the lifestyle? I just can’t share that vulnerable part of me with them.
The double life is tiring, though. Keeping a secret, that’s tiring too, especially when it’s such a big part of your daily thoughts, such a big part of who you are.
I do believe we should fully accept ourselves as we are. There is no wrong or right about our lifestyle, as I used to worry about.
But by remaining anonymous, am I sending a message to my friends and acquaintances that I’m ashamed of my lifestyle?
It’s all confusing. Maybe our desires are not as unusual as we think. I wonder what percentage of women miss the spanking scenes in the romances of the eighties?
Do you think we should be anonymous? Are you?
I hate keeping secrets.
5 Comments:
yes, i am anonymous....no one knows my spanking fantasies i keep them hidden deep inside. i erase and re-erase my surfing history each and everytime i'm on the net reading blogs such as yours. i think about being spanked numerous times a day and can't seem to get it out of my mind or my heart. sometimes i think the emotional release would be so wonderful. but alas i am married to a very vanilla man who wouldn't hurt a fly much less spank his wife. so i read the blogs and the storys and dream my dreams about someday....
Hi anonymous,
I recognize that ache. It breaks my heart. Anonymous, I really hope you get your someday, I really do.
How did spanking go from a thing on I Love Lucy (national TV!) and in movies all over the place, to a secret we guard with such sadness and longing?
Hugs,
nattie
:-)
By 
storynattie, at
I make no effort to hide my interests. My family, friends and coworkers know about my spanking kink, and I'd have it no other way. I feel that a lot of the misunderstanding that vanillas feel about us stems from the lack of communication from those who share our interests. At one time, homosexuality was just as taboo as our own interests, but that veil is being lifted and homosexuals are being accepted. This is because some brave souls stepped forward and were open about their sexuality, instead of staying in the closet. The same has to be true of spankophilia, and only openness will overcome the ignorance. The only people that I actively hide my interests from are children, as they simply don't need to know an adult's sexual endeavors, period.
By ThomasIII, at
You're absolutely right, and they are brave souls. I feel comfortable around those who know, but those who don't know perceive the lifestyle to be so very different than what it actually is.
But in the end, I hide my kink because of children, too. I hate secrets, but I suppose there's no end in sight to this secret. *sigh*
By storynattie, at
Dear Nattie,
I write and post spanking stories as a means of expressing the kink, and of course I use a pseudonym.
I am in the same position as your first commenter, married to a very vanilla woman, and she refuses to read my work - it would be too upsetting for her.
I have a couple of vanilla friends who I have told about my stories, thus breaking the secrecy, and only the one who writes herself has actually read one of my spanking tales. It has not compromised our friendship, so I surmise that maybe breaking the secrecy isn't such a big deal, but she made it plain that she doesn't want to read another.
Once I told the other friend the subject matter of my stories she didn't ask to read any of them. I haven't pressed her or offered a story to her again.
Having said that I can well imagine the problems it might cause some people professionally were it to become known. For myself I'm self employed, so there is no boss to maintain an image before.
So what do I say when people ask me about my writing? Well, sometimes I actually bring the subject of writing up as a means of saying about the spanking. Just to admit it to someone else makes a difference, breaks another of the tiny chains of embarrassment which hold us to secrecy.
Thomas's likening of our kink to the position of homosexuality is a good comparison, at present spanking is regarded as something naughty to be giggled about, and as you said, it is more than a fun sex game, it is hard wired into us.
He is right of course, only when it is openly spoken about as part of a normal relationship will spankophiles be free to feel safe from uninformed suspicion.
