Crying, Weeping, Wailing

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

image It’s been a bit of an obsession, lately. I don’t really understand it, but all the spanking scenes I’ve been writing have ended with my heroine bawling her eyes out. It’s so prevalent, it seems to be a thing.

Crying is sometimes seen as the holy grail of a spanking, at least for those who crave the discipline side of things. In real life, crying does not happen as often as it does in my stories, that’s for sure.

What does this latest craving of mine mean? Am I craving the release of emotion? The letting go of control?

What is it for you? Do you crave crying as much as you crave spanking?

You Know, I Feel Freaking Weird Today

Thursday, March 12, 2009

image I was discussing cursing and someone said, “It’s a good thing no one walks behind me with a bar of soap.”

I laughed and agreed and then I couldn’t stop coming up with scenario after scenario. Pretty soon, I was wishing with all my heart that someone would trail after me with a bar of soap.

Of course I found the whole thing erotic.

Have I written a wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap scene? I can’t remember.

Now I want to write one.

I did the whole Ohmigawd-Am-I-Crazy thing in my twenties, but lately it’s been cropping up again. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s a thing that must be done once a decade?

I just remembered: also in my twenties, I was once so curious to know what it felt like to have one’s mouth washed out with soap, that I did it to myself.

I just feel really weird today. I like being different, but somedays… it just feels weird.

It’s not easy, being spanko.

Oopsy, A Review, and A Question

Monday, January 19, 2009

I just realized my blog was offline! Sorry about that. I was fiddling with the layout and took it off so people wouldn't see it all messed up.

I've had another review! This one for the first in the Land of Khys series, which are the stories I'm most proud of. Right now, they can only be accessed if you're a member of Bethany's Woodshed, but the membership is worth it. Lots of good spanking authors there, and Bethany was the first spanking author that made me fall in love with the genre.

You can read the first chapter of Book 1 here, and Books 2 and 3 are in the woodshed, along with most of Book 4, which will be finished in two or three weeks.

Here's Korey's review:

At first, I wasn't going to read this story. I normally don't read stories about dragons, you see--I look over at the fantasy section when I'm at Borders, and decide quite openly that I wont step near it. Fantasy has the potential to get really strange, really dramatic, and really complicated, really fast.

And I'm not too far off-base--Nattie Jones' story here does the same thing--it starts of strange, gets really dramatic very quickly--but I guess it works, because this story was pretty damn good.

I digress--I was skeptical at first of the whole layout of Khys--I didn't know if I liked the wise-woman set up and the choosing block at all. Definately, Khys is a strange-ass place--here, women have no privacy, can be used, and are thought mainly of as property. Someone growing up in such an environment, I wouldn't think could be at all interesting.

But I was obviously wrong. Sierra's a pretty neat chick--oh yeah, she's subserviant. How can you not be when you grow up at Khys? When you grow up in North Khys, by 20, you've probably had over 4,000 spankings. That's a lot. I, personally, would have given up the fight. But not Sierra--this character has nothing to lose, and better yet, she knows it. And when you have nothing to lose, and you get spanked about once a day, anyway, why not throw hot coffee on the master? Why not savor every bit of kindness you get, and resent everything else? Why not fall in love with the dragon master? As a woman, you're going to serve someone while you're at Khys--why not someone you like? At least it will then be service with a smile.

Truthfully, I nearly cringed when I saw that she was falling in love with him. The dragon master was a little unreadable for me, making the story pretty unpredictable. Up until the last chapter, I wasn't sure how it was going to end--I got into thinking a servant could never be a Dragon Master's wife--yes, yes, I too got caught up in the main character's thought-process until I could no longer predict the people around her any more than she could--and I was actually suprised to see an ending I was happy with. The story should have been predictable, only it really wasn't. Nattie's world created a wonderful dynamic (where you can oust your wife, for starters) where you, as the reader, had to just let go and let the world reveal itself to you.

To sum up here, I just want to say that although I avoid fantasy like the plague, I really enjoyed myself by this magical story. So, if you didn't read this story because the title and subject matter scared you off; grow a pair, read the story, and thank me later. :) Good job, Nattie Jones.

Totally blushing, here! It's great to get encouragement. Writing's a lonely business, sometimes.

And finally, I wanted to ask: what should I blog about? With Mister Sir away on business most of the time, we're practically living a long-distance relationship, which means no spanking. So I have no idea what to talk about. Any suggestions?

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

I hope you all have a merry, happy, healthy holiday season.

Anyone getting anything special for Christmas?

I got a spanking in my stocking! Will tell!

This Thing We Yearn For

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Over the years, I've seen many women come on these lists we all frequent, yearning for our lifestyle. And they hunger so much for it, they finally confess to their husbands, hoping to make this secret part of themselves a reality.

Some of them, sadly, don't get their dreams fulfilled. And some of them end up saying goodbye to all their friends on the list, saying that this desire of theirs is so intense, so hard to live with, that they need to leave. They need to put all thoughts of the lifestyle out of their head and pray to God they can find happiness without it. They hope, fervently, that they can forget this lifestyle forever.

Many of those women come back, eventually. Because it's not just a thing you can forget.

I've tried forgetting this lifestyle, too. For the past couple years, Mister Sir has been working on a ship in the ocean for much of the year. He's so far away, I hardly get to see him.

You do what you have to do.

This time, when he returned, he's had a ton of dental torture to undergo, so let's just say it's been almost a year since anything.

I confess there are times I've just lost it, saying I wish I'd never heard of spanking, that I wish I never had to write another spanking story again, and that I wish I could just cut this part out of myself.

The desire is so fierce, and when it is unfulfilled, it's just pure torture.

I don't know how to describe this lifestyle to people. I don't know how to explain that even one spank from a man I love can set my whole world to rights, can relax me completely, make me feel grounded and settled and safe.

How can I make someone understand that while I'm a vehement supporter of woman's rights, it thrills me to the core to obey the one I love?

Not getting this part of my life fulfilled is miserable.

Writing stories about it is strange. While they are my comfort and my only experience of it during this dry spell, they also inflame the need and make me even more lonely.

I'd venture to say this lifestyle is a bit like being gay. It's just a part of me, has been since first grade, before I had any clue what sex was. No matter what I do, it's part of my makeup. I don't believe it's a part of every woman or that there are any "shoulds" in humanity or the lifestyle, but I do believe it's not something I can cut out of myself.

I feel like I can connect, just a little, with a gay friend who once told me, "Dear God, I tried everything I could to be normal. I would have given my left arm to be normal. If I had been given the choice, I would have chosen to be normal."

I'm not sure I would go so far as to choose to be normal. I love this lifestyle with all my heart. Living without it--both before I met Mister Sir and while he's been gone or otherwise occupied--is probably the hardest and loneliest thing I've ever done.

And because it's a lifestyle normally led in secret, the loneliness must be borne alone, a private ache that no one I know understands. Not even Mister Sir.

Is it worse for the spankee, the bottom, the submissive? It seems to be, in general, but who knows.

Thoughts? What does this lifestyle mean to you? How big is it in your life? In your mind and thoughts? In your heart?

Fictional Spankings?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I haven't known what to talk about here. My Mister Sir is off working for months at a time. One of those things you just have to do, sometimes.

Without him here, spanking me, I feel like I'm hardly living the lifestyle.

I remember once reading that in spanking fiction, spankings need to be "more than real life" in order to get the same effect. For me, when Mister Sir is home and spanking me, my fictional spankings are soooooo much shorter and gentler.

When he is gone and the memory that spankings actually hurt fades (as it always does, lol), my fictional spankings become longer and harder.

When I read others' spanking fiction, it can never be too harsh. The more I can feel like I'm getting a spanking vicariously, the better. And the longer a scene, the more chance I have of imagining myself into a vicarious experience.

I miss real spankings. He'll be home soon.

What about you? How do you like your fictional spankings? The same as real life? Different?

Okay. Let's Play Stereotype.

Monday, September 01, 2008

I used to love Social Studies, and wish they had social studies for grown-ups. They would stereotype, (Germans are punctual, Italian men love their mothers, etc.) but you could take away a bit more understanding than a strictly factual history of a country.

I know, I know, it was only a few blog posts ago when I practically went off my rocker because someone dared suggest that submissives have low self-esteem.

So let's pretend this is a Social Studies class and we're studying submissives.

What I find funny is that so many submissives I know are pretty anti-establishment. Quite a few have "authority issues" in their "public" life. Some of them reject any religion that hints of patriarchy, or even any religion that has a male God. (A significant number are precisely the opposite, though.)

And as we reject the "normal" life and the "establishment," we're very independent.

But then when it comes to the people we respect and/or care about? We can go internally nuts worrying about their opinion of us. We're almost too sensitive, too influencable.

Maybe that brings us around to why we reject so much authority. If we didn't reject it, we'd be a mess trying to please everyone.

For me, life is easier with only my Mister Sir to please. He looks out for me, I look out for him. It works, I guess, balances out my people-pleasing tendencies.

I really don't know, just musing on a lazy afternoon, LOL. Usually with stereotypes there are more exceptions than rule. Any thoughts? What do you think? Do you see any trends? Any different trends?